hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
