1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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