It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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