the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wish my penis had a tongue
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
