I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
