dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
