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• (773): View more from Illinois

  You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina

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• (352): View more from Florida

  the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.

  (407): View more from Florida

  given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was

  (352): View more from Florida

  i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts

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• (819): View more from Quebec

  I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm like the big dick whisperer.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning

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