My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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