I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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