i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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