please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
