Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
