3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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