areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
