4 words: hood of his car
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
