the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
