saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
