he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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