I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
