Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
