i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
