We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
