If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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