I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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