I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
