so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
