my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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