I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
