everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
