Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
