The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
