how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can vaginas get frostbite?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
