dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
