I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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