Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
