I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
