I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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