My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
