She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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