how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
