Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
