I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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