that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just google imaged poop.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
