I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
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Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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