There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
