lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
