So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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