wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If I die, sorry about rent.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize