I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The uberlube is also flammable
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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