she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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