I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
