9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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