If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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