No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
