Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
