somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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