im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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