Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
