I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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