She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you mean i was at the winter classic?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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