Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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