Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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