How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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