I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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