If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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