Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
