I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
