I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
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Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
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Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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