dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
