Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
