ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
