These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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