Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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