OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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