i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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