i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
