Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
