I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
