loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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