I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Im part way to drunk.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
