I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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