happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
