Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
