Whatcha textin bout Willis?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
