tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
