Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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