Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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