My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
