How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she told me i tasted like america
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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